The more time passes from my full- time clinical career the more I realize how important the act of clinical reflection is to me. The more experience I have as a small-business owner the more I recognize just how much time and dedication it takes to learn an entirely new trade…and how little time that leaves me for clinical work. One of my goals for life after leaving the clinical world was to achieve better balance. This is a complex notion much easier said than done, made even more challenging by limited time, multiple life roles and a whole litany of things I have no control over. And then it occurred to me, I own my own company and can do whatever I want! Enter the Social Baker Blog. In my mind’s eye this is a forum where I can share my thoughts, experiences and observations with you in the hopes of validating and normalizing some of the collective trauma we’re all experiencing. At the very least you’ll get to know who I am as a person, and I think there is a lot to be said about the foundation of organization. As a small-business owner I think my beliefs about leadership are as important to me as they are to my staff, customers and stakeholders.
This has been a challenging year for all of us. Between a social justice revolution, a global pandemic and constant political chaos things can feel pretty overwhelming. And I have privilege on my side. Even though most of my attention is turned towards running and growing The Blakery, it is impossible to be unaffected by the macro-level bullying going on in our country right now. The actions of our President and this administration are particularly meaningful to me as a former federal employee and whistleblower. I have witnessed first-hand the impact toxic authority has on a system and individuals within it, and the damage of that toxicity is very evident in our country right now.
A good leader is one who not only provides encouragement, guidance and feedback to those they are leading, but is also willing to accept feedback from their subordinates. They recognize that leadership positions carry with them power and control and that they are responsible for setting the tone and culture of an organization. When a good leader is at the helm, workers feel supported, validated and appreciated. They know that they can raise concerns or express ideas without retaliation, and as valued employees, their words have meaning and value. A good leader strives to create an environment of communication and collaboration and fosters interdependence.
Abusive and toxic leaders abound, and they are the exact opposite of what a good leader brings to the table. Instead of striving for communication and collaboration, toxic leaders typically go above and beyond to silence anyone who speaks out. In my recent clinical supervision class I described the feeling of resentment while sitting in a meeting with a new hire to the agency. They were full of fresh ideas and optimism which flowed freely from their lips. They had outside the box thinking and weren’t afraid to share it. Yet. As all of the seasoned clinicians in the room exchanged glances it was only when we later debriefed that we determined we weren’t angry with our new colleague; we were resentful that their ideas were being considered and validated, a luxury of good leadership that had long since dissipated for us and would eventually for them as well. It was the nature of the beast in that environment.
So what happens to people subject to toxic leadership for excessive swaths of time? They drift into survival mode and learned helplessness. Afraid of retaliation and exhausted from gaslit manipulation, people just start going through the motions. Innovation gives way to stagnation and the fear to voice concerns prevents any of the checks and balances that ensure corruption and fraud don’t run rampant throughout the organization. People with integrity can’t and don’t stay in environments like this. I heard reference to this “chilling effect” on a recent NPR report regarding our current president and congress. Toxic leaders abuse their power and control and extort it to the fullest extent (sometimes by undermining the entire democratic process!). Existing in a culture of fear is exhausting and unhealthy. It shifts the power differential in favor of those who enable toxicity and drives away those unwilling to conform.
So what do we do when we encounter toxic leadership? Hold strong to our integrity and our narrative of the truth. Much like abusers, toxic leaders strive to control the narrative in a way that paints the picture they want, not one based in reality. Learn to identify gaslighting and manipulation and to confront negative or toxic actions. Seek out like-minded peers who are willing to consider steps towards action— there is strength in numbers. Get professional help. I can’t tell you how empowering it is to have your experience of toxicity validated when it is almost entirely invalidated by toxic leaders all…the…time. A mental health professional can help you sort through the complexity of the situation and determine what you have control over and how to regain your footing. Most recently, voting was a good example of something we have control over. For me, the answer was leaving toxicity in the past and forging my own path. If I’ve learned anything in the last forty-plus years it’s that life is short and unpredictable… and ain’t nobody got time for toxicity.